Jobs I'll Never Have

This is a list (yay! a list :))<---damned double chin lol --of jobs that I would love to have, but probably will never get and why I really don't care ...

Zookeeper - who wants to scoop elephant poop all day anyway?

Teacher - pay sucks and I already have one kid, who needs 30?

Astronaut - sure, go to the Moon, but at least I don't have to stick a vacuum up my butt!

Dog Breeder - why would I want to watch sex all day? would just make me jealous.

Chef - Food is wonderful, but have you ever seen a thin chef?

Runway Model - I hate throwing up.

FBI Detective - I really hate guns. Especially the ones aimed at me.

Doctor - I like having a personality.

Pilot - Peanuts don't fill me up.

Food Critic - Ok, besides the gaining weight bit mentioned with being a Chef, also refer to Runway Model.

Private Investigator - See also, Dog Breeder.

Psychologist - I have my own mental problems.

So, you see, it isn't that I'm not smart enough, educated enough, beautiful enough or ambitious enough to obtain a job as 'classy' as one of those...I just have very valid reasons not to (I love ending sentences with prepositions, so add English Professor to that list of Jobs I'll Never Have).